Clarissa

i’m not gonna put crying off another day. this is all too much for me to hold in. my mind is too cluttered with tabs of things i should keep up with and unorganized emotions i myself dont understand. time is working against me, for once i want to stop it or at least slow it down for me to catch up with everything that’s happening. sit it all down and avoid the unnecessary drama. if only i could. but i couldnt. so tonight, i’m going to let my weak self breakdown and just it scream it all out as if doing so would shake it off my system. at some degree, maybe it would. i dont care. frailty is taking over and i’m only human to let it in. somewhere in me is the belief that this phase is just some moonless night to a soft dawn cutting sweetly to a spotless morning. maybe it is.. it should be.

escape. for a while. and come back having everything figured out. that’s not how it goes, tho. it’s gonna pile up, adding one or two more to your list of to-face-now things. it’s an infinite count. pacing is very crucial.

if there’s one thing i’m learning from this, it’s knowing what i want - clearly this time. stick with it, and not only hope it turns beautiful somehow, but make it turn into something beautiful. something worth all the burden to the extent it makes you laugh the hardships off.

for now.. i’m gonna cry. hard. and wake up with swollen eyes and be proud of it. i am totally human. another inconvenient realization. with this, i can say, i’m fuckin wide awake.

Original post:
Frailty
2012