it’s been a long while since i really hit rock bottom. the last one, i recovered from after years: the moving on was longer than the time i was with that one.
it was nice falling in love again after years of abstinence from relationships. that, i could say was a choice i made, not only because i couldn’t ‘choose’ from them and that they couldn’t meet my standards (ang yabang. haha.), but because i know i wasn’t yet prepared to jump in another complication yet. given that, i know too, that if ever i commit again, i’d only make a guy suffer a consequence of something he did not do. so, those were major reasons.i enjoyed being single anyway. the perks, as they say, are really real. you can go out without thinking of anyone, major one. you get to spend your own money for your own, also major. you dont have anybody to give gifts to whenever valentine’s christmas and anniversaries come, major. haha.
those little things, however, either you forget, or choose to give up when you feel love on its way. you wont care. you’re happy with it. it’s worth everything you sacrifice. “better love and be hurt than to not love at all” kept ringing in my head. whoever was successful trying to stop love, right? especially when you believe all is well.
but no, not everything was smooth-sailing. not everything was ironed out. rock bottom. again. i dont want to believe that happiness always costs you something. but somehow, i find myself saying that to.. whoever else, right.. myself.
so. rock bottom. it hurts. it really hurts. it’s more painful than i can tell it is. it’s beyond words.
everyday, i wait for the day to end fast. everything’s in a daze. auto-pilot. do this, do that. you would do anything.. just about anything.. to end the agony. to fast-forward time.
it hurts. every night, i pray that when i open my eyes again, he’ll be back. that things would be again great, wonderful and awesome. every night too, i dream of him. dreams really are instruments for happiness. temporary tho.
but everyday when i wake up, i wish to just go back to sleep again. my mind forgets that he’s not here anymore, that he wont ever come back. everyday, i wish for the day to end fast. everyday is just as excruciating as the moment it ended. it’s tiring waking up crying. but it’s the only way, to somehow ease the pain.. to detach even a little amount of the hurt you feel. i dont like crying. nobody does. but at these trying times, crying is your friend.
they said, having a friend to talk about pain helps. it really does, y'kno. but sometimes, they get tired. they dont understand what you’re feeling. they have their own pains to deal with. some of my friends are tired hearing about my pain. i dont blame them tho. i, myself, am tired too. so, for the next few weeks (hopefully not months).. imma be abusing this blog, as this is the only i could vent it all out. all. out. wishful thinking. gradually tho. :) this way i could talk, without really talking to anyone, so that nobody ever really wastes time listening (or reading) unless it’s their own choice.
it hurts. a lot. still.
pero kaya ko to. kakayanin ko. kailangan kayanin ko. tara, off the grill na. :))
he wont get to read this, anyway. so, i can let it all out here. ;) yey
it was nice falling in love again after years of abstinence from relationships. that, i could say was a choice i made, not only because i couldn’t ‘choose’ from them and that they couldn’t meet my standards (ang yabang. haha.), but because i know i wasn’t yet prepared to jump in another complication yet. given that, i know too, that if ever i commit again, i’d only make a guy suffer a consequence of something he did not do. so, those were major reasons.i enjoyed being single anyway. the perks, as they say, are really real. you can go out without thinking of anyone, major one. you get to spend your own money for your own, also major. you dont have anybody to give gifts to whenever valentine’s christmas and anniversaries come, major. haha.
those little things, however, either you forget, or choose to give up when you feel love on its way. you wont care. you’re happy with it. it’s worth everything you sacrifice. “better love and be hurt than to not love at all” kept ringing in my head. whoever was successful trying to stop love, right? especially when you believe all is well.
but no, not everything was smooth-sailing. not everything was ironed out. rock bottom. again. i dont want to believe that happiness always costs you something. but somehow, i find myself saying that to.. whoever else, right.. myself.
so. rock bottom. it hurts. it really hurts. it’s more painful than i can tell it is. it’s beyond words.
everyday, i wait for the day to end fast. everything’s in a daze. auto-pilot. do this, do that. you would do anything.. just about anything.. to end the agony. to fast-forward time.
it hurts. every night, i pray that when i open my eyes again, he’ll be back. that things would be again great, wonderful and awesome. every night too, i dream of him. dreams really are instruments for happiness. temporary tho.
but everyday when i wake up, i wish to just go back to sleep again. my mind forgets that he’s not here anymore, that he wont ever come back. everyday, i wish for the day to end fast. everyday is just as excruciating as the moment it ended. it’s tiring waking up crying. but it’s the only way, to somehow ease the pain.. to detach even a little amount of the hurt you feel. i dont like crying. nobody does. but at these trying times, crying is your friend.
they said, having a friend to talk about pain helps. it really does, y'kno. but sometimes, they get tired. they dont understand what you’re feeling. they have their own pains to deal with. some of my friends are tired hearing about my pain. i dont blame them tho. i, myself, am tired too. so, for the next few weeks (hopefully not months).. imma be abusing this blog, as this is the only i could vent it all out. all. out. wishful thinking. gradually tho. :) this way i could talk, without really talking to anyone, so that nobody ever really wastes time listening (or reading) unless it’s their own choice.
it hurts. a lot. still.
pero kaya ko to. kakayanin ko. kailangan kayanin ko. tara, off the grill na. :))
he wont get to read this, anyway. so, i can let it all out here. ;) yey
ORIGINAL POST:
from 2010
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