Back staring blankly into the pure white space and blinking caret, and just pouring it all out rightly. While that didn't feel foreign at all, because technology has since evolved around social media and the internet in general, being out and exposed again surely does. Yes! That's exactly how this feels - Being out in the open again, braving the internet. Here goes my first post - ANYTHING GOES! :)
One of my goals is to unearth previous blog posts from long lost blogging accounts. (The last one I am aware of was 2 tumblr accounts, and a hidden Blogspot account - so hidden I cant remember the username and email I used.) The earliest my blogs allowed me to go back to, so far, has been 2011! It pains me to recall that I have been writing so much earlier than that but only are able to reach as far as then. I rest in the security of my Tumblr blogs where I hid for years.
To write again is to retrace my steps, where I lost a security of who I was. In the confines of paper and blogging, my younger self has cried, laughed, got kilig-ed, learned and confided with no holds barred. It was only then I felt safe.
To write is to silence the conversations in my head - the arguments i have with myself, the voice that wont keep quiet. To write is to stay sane. Writing is processing.
To write is to memorialize - Things I would like to remember, of memories I would rather forget. Simply put, in here, my voice is preserved.
To write is to speak up, to release, to share my perspective. To write is to also listen to myself - a luxury denied to many. In here, I am heard. In here, judgment is withheld, most importantly, by myself.
In this journey, I hope to once again meet the self that I lost, embrace the self I want to keep, shape the self I want to change, and achieve the best version of my self.
While it is known that support is scarce from people I know, I ask the universe the grace to be. To just be. Most people do not seek to always be right - only to be heard and understood. A tall ask. But for that, I will be eternally grateful.
xx Cali
