Clarissa

Saw a picture today and reminded me of a whole cluster of things I have long put on the shelf to be buried in dust..

It’s been years! Years. And I could still go back to that mark I like referring to as a turning point. Years, and I could go back and back thinking I had no clue where it was going.

I want to go back. I want so badly to go back.

Not because I miss it. Not because of the feelings. Not because there were some things I didnt - some, I just forgot - say. Not because there were things unclear.

I want to go back. All because I want to tell myself I was going wrong way. Because for once I want to listen to my instinct. Because there it lies - just one terrible decision that led up to a cobweb of unfortunate events.

I never thought I regretted anything up until the moment I saw that one photograph.. Up until today, where I have realized that I could live a better life than what I chose..

Then again, I believe it did bring experiences I couldn’t have had better. There isnt just a more consoling thing to hold on to. Something to help me get by.

Til Im reminded of things from that shelf again.