Clarissa

Hi, do you have time to talk about God? (You’re all familiar with that line!)

This is a shortened version of my testimony of God's love and grace. I have a lengthy experience to share I could write a book (or maybe I should)! 🙂

I had ChatGPT loosely translate this to Filipino, here.

TLDR; God's love and grace, proven

I was raised as a born-again Christian, believing that the world mirrored the values I held dear—love, care, acceptance, and a deep reverence for God. However, my perception changed when I was exposed to the darker sides of life. I thought that to understand and connect with the world, I had to become like those who lived differently from the way I was taught.

This mindset led me away from the Christian path, and I delved into worldly wisdom, seeking answers and fulfillment in places far from God. I strayed so far that I eventually lost sight of His light and struggled to find my way back.

In my desperation to return to God, I begged Him to make me feel His presence and love once more. It was during this time of searching that I made a life-altering mistake—I became pregnant out of wedlock. To make matters worse, my then boyfriend left me, and the world was plunged into the uncertainty of a pandemic lockdown.

In those dark moments, I considered ending my pregnancy, clinging to the life I had envisioned for myself—a life of independence and career success. I believed that my dreams were over, that my goals were now out of reach. But in my despair, I turned to God, praying earnestly for His guidance. Deep down, I knew that I had once prayed for a child, having believed for a decade that I was barren.

I was deeply afraid of becoming a mother—it was an unfamiliar and daunting path. I had carefully laid plans for my career, dreams of migrating, and hopes of marrying. But these aspirations were overshadowed by fear. My then-boyfriend showed signs of unreadiness and instability, leaving me anxious about the future. I worried about my career, questioned whether I could provide for my son, and doubted my ability to be a good mother.

In the stillness of my soul, God met me. He gave me the courage to embrace my pregnancy, even with the daunting prospect of becoming a single mother. God assured me that He would be with me, that He would never leave me—even when everyone else I expected support from did. I came across the verse Deuteronomy 31:6 where it was said, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." With still a fearful heart, I obeyed, trusting that His plans were more beautiful than mine. His love was tangible through the support of my friends and cousins, who were mothers before me. Though I cried every day and felt alone in many ways, God surrounded me with His presence. My Ate Edz and college friends, through online messages, became my lifeline. In my brokenness, I felt God’s closeness, as was said in Psalm 34:18 that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit," and it was through their love that I found the strength to stand again.

The grace of God was evident during this time, as the pandemic raged and I lived in a household of nearly 20 people. The birth of my son Lukas was my second miracle—a testament to God’s unwavering grace and forgiveness. Despite the complications, including Lukas being coiled in his cord, he was born safely. In his birth, I realized the depth of God’s love and His relentless pursuit of me.

I understood God's love more when I became a parent. I realized this was God's answer to my prayers and pleas to feel His love again in my life. I found that my fears were met with love and assurance, and resolved through one act of obedience to God. Truly, God can do more with your surrender to Him than all your control. The years I spent believing I was undeserving were redeemed by God’s amazing grace. He showed me that His love knows no bounds, and in His forgiveness, I found new life. Now, I stand as a testament to His mercy, knowing that even when I felt lost, God never stopped holding me close.

Today, I am a single mother embraced by my Christian community, supported in ways I never imagined. I am now never alone. My career has also taken off, far beyond where I was in 2020, and I am now able to provide for my son and bless my parents by being the breadwinner even as a single parent (oh diba thank You Lord talaga). More often than not, we are even able to save. My son, Lukas, is growing up with a heart full of faith, always mentioning Jesus, saying things like, “Si Jesus naggive ng toy ko, Mama,” and “Mama, ang milk galing kay Jesus.”

While there’s a long journey ahead, I carry in my heart the assurance of how God has shown up for me, rescued me, and guided me through every challenge. The battle is not yet over, but I know now that the battle belongs to God. I face each day with renewed faith, trusting that He will continue to provide, protect, and lead me. No matter what lies ahead, I am confident that I am not alone—God is with me, and His plans are far greater than any I could ever imagine.

There are no limits to where God's faithfulness will take you!

My name is Clarissa - once lost and now found - and this is my son Lukas, now forever cradled in God's unending love and grace.

All praise, love, honor, power, and glory to God!

Thank you for taking time to read. 🙏🏻